Earlier mornings and Little white lies.

I’ve started waking up before 10 every morning. This is unusual for me. I’m still getting used to it, as you can see above. Doesn’t mean I have to look pretty that early! I’ve never been an early bird gets the worm type of person but it’s starting to grow on me.  I won’t be a six or seven in the morning girl,ever. Ever. But this is better than my old noon wake up call. A sign of growing up, perhaps?

Speaking of growing up.  Have you ever just wanted to yell   “F***** grow up?’ to a select few? Lately, I have.  Gah, all the blatant jealousy and hypocrisy and hate.  Can’t we all just get along? Aren’t we too  old for this?  Especially to people a good amount older than me.  I think after cursing at them I’d add in “I’m twenty, what’s your excuse?”

I will admit to stay out of things I occasionally lie. I don’t like lying, but with my friends to avoid controversy, I lie. I won’t say I don’t love drama. Who doesn’t? You probably lie if you say you don’t. But I like being an outsider. The girl in the Big Butts song who says “Oh my Gosh Becky look at  her butt, it is so big.” I’m her. I don’t have the big butt, I enjoy talking about the big butt. I don’t like being sucked into having a big butt.  Okay, awful metaphor of the year award. What I’m saying is drama is interesting and great, just don’t bring me into it.  I don’t like being mean. I suck at being mean, unless you push me really hard or rub me the wrong way. Goodness, look at all this pushing and rubbing!

Back to lying, I stand firm on sometimes it’s okay to lie.  Usually it’s not. But to avoid hurt feelings, are little white lies always bad? Would you honestly tell a friend, when you didn’t feel like talking on the phone anymore, that you had to go because you didn’t want to talk to them? A coworker when they asked, that their performance sucked?  (Or a lover for that matter…?) I am the protector of feelings, and I just couldn’t do it. I say cross your fingers and know it’s for the best.

I woke up this morning with a sense of dread realizing my birthday’s in three months. I’ll be twenty-one. I should be overjoyed, I suppose.  Should be. But I love how young I am.  I don’t want to grow up. ( I’m tempted to throw in ‘I wanna be a Toys R Us Kid’ here.)  I love people pointing out that I’m a baby, that I’m not of legal drinking age, that I’ m so so so young. I hear it’s all downhill from twenty-one.  And I’m married now, my husbands an old man. I can drink in the state of Texas anyway, y’all! So can I just stay twenty? Getting old scares me. Dying scares me. Depends scare me. Yeah. Think I’ll just stay twenty.

One thought on “Earlier mornings and Little white lies.

  1. Meg says:

    I like that metaphor! hahaha It made me laugh and it sounded like it was the first thing that came to your mind. which is what made it good.

    And i know what you’re talkinng about with the “I’m 20 what’s your excuse?”

    My mom always says that I’m “18 going on 40” hahaha which is good and bad? But yesterday she was talking about how mature I can be but that I’m a paradox because other times I’m not mature at all. Then I realized, EVERYONE’S a paradox when it comes to maturity. It’s a lot easier to act like you’re 15 again than it is to act like you should when you’re 40, whether you are 40 or not.

    example:
    My dad could not put his ego aside for the sake of his mother, wife, children, and the huge line of cars behind him. HE HAD TO PARALLEL PARK THE CAR. I thought that was immature. Dad, you’re 50 (wow faltered on that..almost wrote 46. way off haha) you don’t have an excuse! haha

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