I get caught up really easily. My problem is that there is so much to do, so many places to go, goals to reach, people to meet…That I get overwhelmed and really stressed sometimes. I’m also huge on facing fears. If I feel I’m not facing enough or making enough life changing moments in such and such amount of time, I’m really hard on myself. Even when I am sitting down “relaxing” I,the past couple of weeks, find myself focusing on what I need to get done, or what I didn’t get done that I should have that day. In other words, I’m a neurotic, slightly crazy control-freak. This weekend with my husband was extremely refreshing and more of a learning experience than I ever expected it to be.
Husband’s parents let us borrow their ‘future-retirement-but-for-now-for-the-weekends’ house for the night. This house is set on probably about four acres. I decided this is where I wanted to go for my pre-birthday weekend so I could chill out a little before going all “Hey I’m twenty one now,Heeellllooo world” and so the dogs could get a good run. They’re cooped up in this apartment too much. So husband and I stocked up on groceries and put our dogs in the truck and headed on out yesterday.
The moment we walked in I felt more relaxed. There was a couple of fantastic presents waiting for me from the two best parent-in-laws I could ever ask for. Next to the presents was a card that read “The words may say ‘Daughter-in-Law” on the outside and “But my heart says daughter.” on the inside. I almost cried and called to thank them both right away. His mom told me, “Aw,well. That’s how I feel.” She’s amazing. My stressed out,crazy-side was quickly dissipating. It was soon all gone. I grabbed one of his mom’s books and sat down. Husband started cooking and I grabbed a blanket and a glass of wine. The sun was setting and my boy was cooking and it was something I can’t really explain in too many words. Simple. Sweet. A couple of things I don’t usually do (I usually just do Go,Go,Go.), but something I was more than enjoying. Today we woke up early, drank some coffee, and I read some more. Later in the afternoon we did some antique/thrift shopping.
On the way back I discussed with Robby why I get so stressed out. Our conversation is still lingering in my mind.
Me: I get like that because I feel like I’m not doing enough. Do you think I do enough?
Husband: Yeah. You do too much.
Me: There’s just so much I want to do.
Husband: You have plenty of time.
I know it’s a simple enough statement but it’s something that I don’t quite comprehend. I have conditioned myself to believe life is short,so short that I need to rush and do everything and see everyone and go everywhere in a short amount of time. My best friend recently posted a blog saying things she wanted to without putting a name to who she was saying it to. There is only one that I can remember,that I actually repeat in my head over and over again, and I honestly have no idea whether it was intended for me or not. It read something like, “Slow your roll. Life is not as short as you make it out to be.”
I need to slow my roll. Life is not as short as I make it out to be. I realized this when we came back from antique shopping today. I was watching the sunset and the dogs play as I swung back and forth on the bench-swing; my favorite part of his parents place. I was truly and completely 100 percent happy. I was not at the top of the Eiffel tower or sightseeing in London or shopping in New York. I wasn’t getting married or snorkeling the ocean and kissing sharks in Mexico. I wasn’t facing any fears or moving into a house or transferring colleges or getting a writing internship. These are all things that have or will be extremely important to me, but for some reason I really think this weekend will be too. Because it finally sunk in. Life is not just about the big moments. It’s about the days before your 21st birthday. It’s about swinging and watching the sunset. Reading a good book wrapped in a blanket. Sitting in front of a warm fire. Little kisses on the hand and cheek from somebody who truly loves you. Waffles with lots of butter for breakfast. Watching your dogs run around, happy to be free outside. Life does not have to always be life-changing or mind-altering to be worthwhile. It can be the most worthwhile in the simple moments, the in-between moments, and the moments surrounded by all of the little things you love the most. I’m learning I can live up the little moments just as much as I can the big ones.
“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.” -Chris Rock