I’m going to take this time to show you a few of the many sides of me. I’ve called in sick to Friday night socializing due to really bad cramps (sorry handful of boy readers) and really needing to cram some study time in. This is me taking a break and also noting, y’all only really see the happy-go-lucky side of me. But c’mon. I’m a girl. Let’s be real. So here’s what goes on in my mind when I force my mouth not to move, and here’s what these faces mean.
My ‘Listen here buddy (It’s that time of the month and you better shut it) ‘ face:
I have never once regretted marrying my first. Not once. He has my whole heart and everything else and believe me, I know for a fact how easy it would be to..well..get some. I know how easy that would be for me. I’m not being cocky, but I have boobies and other girl parts and I’m not morbidly obese or busted ugly. Therefore, it would be easy. Knowing is enough. Also know I don’t judge those who have had more than one,or who have had 28 for that matter, that’s up to you and heck, you go girl. But for me, this is something I wanted and I choose for me. And I’m so glad I did. We have a bond that I could only share with my first, and that he could only share with someone who gave that to him. For my husband and I, It’s special. It means a lot to him and so that makes it mean even more to me. So please know that when I blush and tell you I’ve only slept with one man, it’s not an embarrassed blush. It’s a glowing,happy kind of blush that I wouldn’t change for the world.
On this same note, if I hear “Uh..Why?” or “Good luck with that.” or “But you’re soooo young.” in response to me telling you that I am married ONE more time, I will kick you in your balls. If you don’t have balls, it still hurts. I’m married because, and I know this is hard to comprehend, I want to be. I’m in a different place in life than people my age (and even people years older than me) are right now, and I get that. But please understand that this is what I want, not what you get to decide I shouldn’t want. I do appreciate that people care because they’ve gone through relationships that havent worked out. Having said that, I am naive about a lot of things, but relationships and how bad they can be are not one of them. Been there, done that, and then some. In fact, I told my cousin these exact words, months and months before I met my husband: “I’m not doing this again. I’m not ever going to feel like this again. The next guy I fall in love with, I’m going to marry him.” And I meant it, gosh darnit.
My “I’m sorry, don’t hate me” face
What it means:
I am not the best plan keeper. There were I think, four people I ended up cancelling on tonight. I have one set of friends who refer to me as ‘The one who never texts back.’ and ‘The flake.’ I have another friend who told me the other day I didn’t get invited to something because she knew for a fact I wouldn’t come. I couldn’t even defend myself because the truth is, I couldn’t have come. They all laugh with me and tease me about it but I know at times it has got to get old. Neither one of my parents were really ones to cancel plans, so I can’t even blame it on the way I was raised. I just have too much going on and honestly, I’ve made too many friends. I also, and I’m just beginning to fully understand this about myself, have set walls so high around myself and I don’t know how to bring them down. I’m very guarded and though I can get most people to tell me their whole life story, I refrain. As much as I hate to admit this, I’ve developed trust issues over the years and from my past history. If I find myself getting too close to someone, I subconsciously push them away because I am deep down afraid they do not have my best interest at heart. I have an uncountable number of friends and people I have fun with; I have about a handful of people I will actually open up to. A handful. It’s something I need to work on and I’m not sure how to start. So please know, it’s not you. It’s me. Ha. I totally just used a breakup line on y’all. But I sincerely mean it!
My “Really? Are you really that annoying/ stupid/ incompetent?’ Face.
What it means:
This is usually reserved for my dogs when they won’t stop barking, my husband at any given moment, boy friends who are pissing me off, and every once in a while a female who is being a b-word or a really annoying customer when they’ve turned their back. However as I will give the first three to their face, I usually just do this face towards another chick/ customer when they’re not actually around. Girls scare me and I don’t want to get fired. This is where I usually muster up the big fake smile instead, which looks like….
My “I actually don’t like you at all but I betya can’t tell” face.
It looks a lot like my real smile, but look closely, and my eyes are shooting laser beams into your heart. I’m great at acting like you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread when in all reality I want to smoosh you beneath my feet. You may call it putting on a show, but for me, it’s simply keeping my job and social etiquette in tact.
My “You just wait” Face.
My dad instilled in me from a very young age to show with actions and not with words. I’ve always been big on words so this was hard to learn. I’d write long, endearing, ‘please forgive me, I’ll never do it again.” poetry trying to get ungrounded and my dad would almost always come back with “Show me with your actions,Christina.” I’ve got that now. I am borderline obsessive on proving people wrong. You can talk all you want, but it don’t mean a thing unless you prove it. So I do. You say I won’t make it in the real world? I get two jobs, great grades, a house, a scholarship. You say we won’t last? We get married. You say I can’t? Well, We’ll see. I don’t tell you with words, I make a face and then get to showing you what’s up.