I pretty much secluded myself all weekend from the outside world because of a Spanish presentation happening on Monday. My hatred for giving speeches is something I don’t understand about myself. I love attention,I was in theatre throughout highschool and loved it, and I never ever shutup. You’d think it’d be one of my favorite things in the world? No. I hate hate hate hate giving speeches, with a fiery passion within my soul. One girl in my history class says she gets hives and I think I’m a small step below that. I visibly shake and speak a million miles an hour and my heart beats out of my freakin’ chest. You’d figure I’d get over it as I’ve given probably a handful and a half since entering college, but it just hasn’t happened yet. So this weekend, I was a recluse and avoided all outings to prepare. Meaning I made up for Friday-Sunday by living it up Thursday (Starbuck’s friends) and Monday (Community college friends.)
Today at work, I once again re-realized that I am very lucky to have the people I do in my life. I get a text from a good friend saying she’s having a party Friday night, and that I better not bail, as I usually do. Not more than five minutes later, I get a text from another good friend who is also attending this party. “Hey do you want to watch our show Friday night?” (We have a ritual of watching ‘Secret Life of the American Teenager.’) I am confused at this point because I know that she’s coming to the party too and I think it’s maybe weird to watch a teenage soap opera with a large group of people. So I ask her “At Jenns party?” To this she replies, “Good answer!I was checking to make sure you didn’t forget. We really don’t want you to bail.” Uh. First of all, it scares me that she thinks my memory is only good for five minutes, tops. Secondly, it’s sad that my friend’s feel like they have to trick me now to make sure I’m actually going to show up somewhere. And they put up with this. This made me smile, do a mental head-shake at myself, and think about what else the people in my life put up with. Here’s what I’ve got:
I’m thankful that my job doesn’t ever say anything when I wake up 20 minutes prior to getting there in the morning, and you can definitely tell. I’m glad they don’t make me go home and look somewhat presentable but rather put up with my makeupless, messy-hair-in-a-sort-of-half-bun- self. One day, perhaps, I will choose looking good over sleep. This hasn’t happened yet. I’m grateful to my friends for understanding that even though I suck at always being there, that I do love and care about them very much. I’m grateful that I always have a reason to laugh and smile, that there is never a day a friend doesn’t do something to make me that much happier. I’m thankful for texts like “I don’t want to sound totally lame. But I have so much fun with you! You’re just as silly as I am!” I’m thankful for the readers of my blog who get that at times I’m silly and stupid and overly-confident and at other times I’m serious, humble and a little too mellow-dramatic. In other words, they get that I’m insane and have split personalities.I’m happy that I have a boss that lets me be a bitch to him and still has lots of fun with me anyway, who tells me constantly that I am his favorite person to work with and that he doesn’t know what he’d do without me there. I’m thankful that my Spanish teacher understands that girls will be giggly, gossipy girls…Even throughout her 2 and a half hour class.
I’m thankful for my mom, who although (because of my social drinking and the fact that I just turned 21 a month ago) is slightly convinced that I am a crazy party animal who needs to either join AA or have a baby, genuinely wants what’s best for me and all of her intentions are good. I’m eternally happy and thankful for my husband, the one who knows all my secrets and fears and bad habits and weird thoughts–And loves me even more because of all of it. I’m grateful that he’s not only learned to put up with, but also to enjoy and even ask for, cuddling with me as we fall asleep. I’m thankful for our little arguments everyday, for everytime he reaches for my hand and gently kisses it, for wanting a little tree put in at our new house so, as he told his mom on the phone, “It can grow with us.” I’m thankful he watches Gossip girl with me, That he allows me to ask a million questions when I don’t understand his shows, That we can have fun refrigerator shopping together. I’m grateful for all of the above for understanding my need to capture every moment on film, for making fun or rolling their eyes and then smiling for yet another of Christina’s pictures. Thank-you, all of you. This is my standing ovation to y’all. I’m actually too lazy to stand, but in my heart, I am standing and clapping a lot. Like a mental toast. Not the bread kind of toast, but you know, the other kind.