Customers, Starbucks style.

I work at Starbucks. To have this job, all that is really required is that you are extremely social and friendly and talk a hell of a lot (also multitasking and being able to mix ingredients and brew coffee is a plus.) You better believe this means I’ve had some interesting customer experiences here. Thought I’d share a few.

1. The ones you want to tell “If I hear I look like her one more time, random customer number 4393242, I will tell you that you look like Jack the Ripper.” I finally gave in and watched this movie–Mostly because I hear about once a week, almost always from random strangers I’m serving coffee to, that I look just like Zooey Deschanel. I was first told this by a customer about a year ago, and I didn’t even know who the hell she was.  I then realized,after hearing more and more how much I resembled this girl,  that I saw her in some cheesy suspense movie. This didn’t make me happy as I found the movie pretty stupid and this woman especially ruined it for me. Her acting, to put it lightly, sucked ass. So even though she’s really a pretty girl and everyone (after watching me noticeably cringe) would assure me it was a compliment and not an insult, I did not want to be compared to her. I was actually beginning to give the evil eye. Finally,after being told by a homeless man last week that I looked like “That Zooey girl”, I decided I better give her one more chance.  And I will say, she deserved it. She was cute and charming and delightful in this film and the storyline instantly made me fall in love. I stayed in love from start to finish. In a nutshell it tells you what I’ve seen come true in my own life: That you’ll get your happy ending, but maybe just not the happy ending you wanted at the time. So from now on, I’ll take the Zooey look-a-like thing as a compliment. As a side note: I still don’t really think that I look like her, but I kind of thought the boy in the movie looked like my husband. Hm.

2.The ones you adore. (And will be like when you’re 60 or so)

I have a lot of friends. I don’t have a lot of time or any organizational skills. Not a good mixture. Luckily, I have people in my life who love me anyway…but this isn’t to say I don’t get put in my place at least ten times a week. Friends are constantly yelling at me via text or in real life.  Last week I got a message telling me that if I didn’t start responding they wouldn’t be my friend anymore. I don’t think it was meant truthfully, but more to get my attention. Hell, I’d do it if I was friends with me too. Yesterday I showed up for Margarita Wednesday with a few of my girls and one of the first things I heard was “I’m mad at you.” This didn’t surprise me, because somebody is usually mad at me for something understandable. I was curious why for this time though. “Why?”Because I saw that you had a bbq and you didn’t invite me.” Well, shit. I apologized profusely and promised all three girls another bbq. Another retorted with a smile and “No. ..we don’t want your pity bbq!” Situations like this are quite common with me. I have good intentions and I think everyone realizes that, which is probably why they keep me around. I met my old lady equivalent today at work.  She spent most of her time talking on the phone. Later, she  told me as I chatted with her that she had just been with a group of friends for lunch. When she left, she told me she was going to meet up with another friend. I laughed knowingly. “You have a lot of friends.” She did a kind of sigh. “Too many.” Yep. I met my 60 year old self today.

3. The ones who truly appreciate you. There are those who go out of their way to start conversation, to smile and laugh with you, to let you know you’re doing a great job. There are some who even let you know they couldn’t manage working the job that you do. These are my favorites.

4.  The annoying ones you’re forced to smile at but would much rather beat up.

Annoying Customer #1: “Um. Uh. Hello.  I am indecisive when there is a huge line behind me. I will go back and forth for twenty minutes but continue to block the line as I ‘Umm..’ and ‘Uhhh….’ and ‘Oh, er, Mocha…no Caramel…Wait…Oh..JAVA CHIP…but without the that okay?’ at you for thirty minutes. I will then decide not to get anything at all.

Annoying Customer #2: “Hi. I give you attitude while asking really stupid questions and usually start my sentence off with ‘I’ve never been here before.’ I realize that if I don’t live in the middle of the ocean I should have been to Starbucks or at least know something about it, but I’ve been living under a rock IN the ocean for the past 17 years of my life. You probably wouldn’t even mind any of this if I weren’t blaming you for my lack of knowledge. But I am. Also, I pronounce cappuccino ‘cap-oh-chEE-no’ and grande ‘grAnd-AY.’ I may or may not know what coffee is and I will probably end up ordering a cup of half-and-half.

Annoying Customer #3: “Hello. I like to order practically impossible and very odd drinks such as a Seven-Shot-Extra-Foam-Strawberry-Hazelnut-No-Ice-Frapuccino-Latte-Smoothie. I probably don’t even know what the hell I’m ordering but I will still yell at you or walk off shaking my head if you say that there’s no way to make that or that it will taste bad. This is because I have a complex and a chip on my shoulder so ordering drinks that I know don’t exist gives me a great reason to take my frustrations in life out on you, you poor little innocent barista. Now then. Make me my Chai-Mocha-Berry-Misto.

And last but certainly not least….

Annoying Customer # 4: I think I’m better than you, so I find it silly to even start my order off with any sort of greeting. I don’t work here, but I make more money than you do so I obviously know how to do this job much more adequately than you do, silly peasant. I will watch you like a hawk as you make me my mocha with nonfat milk, but I will still ask you three times if you made it with nonfat milk.  I do this just to reinforce the fact that my iq level is much higher than yours. But you can probably already tell that because of my suit and Armani tie, now can’t you? Nevermind the fact that I’m twenty years your senior and probably working for my daddy’s law firm (this explains my apparent insecurity, doesn’t it now?) , I still deserve a special medal for being so sophisticated and high class. You’re lucky I even buy coffee here and grace you with my presence, do you know that? Oh. You should also know I have a stick stuck way up my ass, so please don’t mind me as I walk off without so much as a smile on my face. This stick really hurts.

(Disclaimer: A small 5% of customers are like any of these 4 groups of people, and most are very pleasant to see everyday. I just feel attention should be given to the…Special ones.)

10 thoughts on “Customers, Starbucks style.

  1. Tessa says:

    ” I have a stick stuck way up my ass, so please don’t mind me as I walk off without so much as a smile on my face. This stick really hurts”

    hahahaaaa I would commit murder if I worked at Starbucks or cry every day. Props to you, woman. Props to you.

    I was about to be mad at you for not inviting me on your beach trip you have planned with your other friends, but you make me laugh and I understand you have tons of friends as opposed to my 3. haha Love you, sweets. You’ll be going to the coast more than once this summer so prepare!!

  2. it seems you have quite an interaction with people @ your workplace…You have a lot of patience girl. if i were u i would have probably RUN AWAY….

  3. Chelsi says:

    I don’t have to deal with quite as many people as you do, but I’m still very familiar with those annoying types of guests. I don’t have problems organizing my time and such, but i DO have a problem trying to bite my tongue sometimes. If you ever hear that I got fired, 99% chance is I went off on one of those annoying people. Prob one of the “long-difficult-order ones, because she didn’t want to take the cake home because one of the “p”s in “Happy” was slightly smaller than the other.

  4. Meg says:

    your hair is similar that’s about it haha


    andddddd this blog was really funny lol I loved all the descriptions of customers =]

    • thank-you for realizing i don’t look like her! every other person i bring this up to is like “ohh yeah you definitely do!” wtf?!
      lol. i even heard it before i had bangs. but i do not see it at all.
      anyway. yess such a cute movie!

      • . Okay, so I told you, right? Or I told your thoughts? So can you let me go now? Ivy loekod at him with her indigo eyes. I wish I could, but She vanished and reappeared behind him. I can’t. With that, she kicked at his head, which flew off and disappeared into the distance. Ivy started to walk away, then remembered the power of teleportation, and teleported to her house.Once she was at her house again, she immediately started getting ready to kill Anomaly Despair. Not having to do much at all, aside from grabbing a knife, which was already a part of her daily routine, Ivy braced herself for what she was used to happening. She was used to hearing the fear in voices when people begged for her not to kill them, she was used to the shock on people’s faces, and she was used to hearing someone’s last few words and breaths. Everyone was always scared. Ivy, on the other hand, was never scared. She wasn’t scared to kill Anomaly, just as the same with everyone else. In fact, Ivy couldn’t even remember the last time she had been scared. She frowned. If she was scared, how would she know? She didn’t even know the feeling anymore. She wondered if Anomaly was scared easily.Ivy noticed that she was asking herself questions she wouldn’t normally ask. Why did she care about Anomaly? She was just another person Ivy had been hired to kill. So why was she asking questions? What was so special about Anomaly? Ivy just couldn’t get her head around it. It didn’t make any sense to her, but for some reason Ivy felt as though she had some sort of connection to Anomaly. She had no clue what it was, though, because she knew she had never met Anomaly Despair. But there was still that odd little feeling Ivy frowned again. How much time had she just spent thinking about these things? She thought, at the most, it was five minutes, but that was before she saw what time it was. It was an hour later than she thought. She had spent an entire hour thinking about someone she had never even met, someone she was simply going to kill, and Ivy became irritated with herself. She figured the sooner Anomaly was gone, the sooner these thoughts would disappear. Ivy waited around her house for about 30 minutes, then decided to leave, because it was already getting dark. She walked out the door, but paused because she had just thought of something, but forgot it instantly. She figured it wasn’t anything of importance to her, then left the house, closing and locking the door behind her.Ivy decided to just walk to Anomaly Despair’s house, because it wasn’t too far from her own. She had to duck in cover a few times, because she thought she might have been seen on her way over, but whoever she thought saw her just walked on, ignoring her. Ivy crept behind the bushes once she reached Anomaly’s neighbourhood. Anomaly’s house was white with a pale green trim. Her yard loekod nice. There was a silver car parked in the driveway. Ivy stood outside the house, debating what would be the best way to get in without making any noise. She saw the lights in the house flick off. She supposed that meant Anomaly was going to bed. It was about 10:00, after all. Ivy chose that the best way to get in was through a window.

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