I’m not here to say I don’t conform. I drink alcohol and occasionally wear Abercrombie (like a teeny bopper conformist!) with the best of them. However, when it comes to media, there are five things that you can absolutely not make me conform to. Maybe it’s my stubborn pride or tiny fuse, or maybe I just would rather get hit by a bus then join or enjoy any of the following. Here they are:
You will never catch me reading a book or watching another movie,ever…again. I might not be opposed to it if it wasn’t so popular. I have a somewhat addictive personality, and I refuse to give myself a chance to go around wearing Edward shirts or werewolf socks…or whatever these crazy fans do these days. I picked up a book once…Once. My cousin bought it for me for Christmas and I felt it was the least I could do. I read the first page and felt I was doing something very wrong, like smoking crack or killing a baby. I put it down and never picked it up again. As for the movie, Oh c’mon. Pale guy scared the shit out of me and Bella’s acting was limited to some pretty creepy stares every other scene. Please don’t maul me after you read this, I respect the fact that you’re probably one of the 95 percent of Americans who find Twilight like some sort of god, but dangit, you can’t make me do it! Now stop giving me that shocked expression and begging me to give it another try…No I will no—WHOAH look over there…That magazine says Bella’s pregnant in real life! Ha. Works everytime.
It’s like a million facebook statuses…in one. I think in moderation there are some good ones, but moderation is hard for a site that is usually used to keep a play-by-play on normal peoples lives. The truth? Not many of us care about fellow normal people, at least not every ten minutes. I used to kind of keep up with some friends and stuff but now I don’t really bother anymore. Sorry friends. I’ve noticed a pattern with the most obsessive of you guys (I make fun of you with nothing but love intended in the following scenario…):
“And I am now eating a cheeseburger.”
“And my cheeseburger is now halfway gone.”
“Now there is mustard on my new white pants.”
“Taking my new white pants to the dry cleaners.”
“My new white pants are screwed.”
“Wait…NEW WHITE PANTS ARE SAVED! I FORGOT ABOUT BLEACH!!!!!”
I have a little guideline for you to follow, crazy imaginary bleach person. Before you post an update on Twitter ask yourself the following questions: “Would I bother telling anybody this in a regular conversation? If I did, would the person I was carrying a conversation with give me a strange look and consider not carrying on attempted normal conversations with me anymore ?” If you answered no and then yes, why are you broadcasting it to a bunch of people you barely even know?
I actually think this is a really interesting idea. But I am TERRIFIED. I don’t handle rejection well, especially anonymously.I feel like I’m on good terms with most everyone in my life, and if someone leaves me some comment full of loathing and bitchiness, I can imagine myself going around wondering “Was it you!?” ….”Maybe it was her…” Or…. what if I got some sort of comment that said “I’m going to kill you tomorrow” or “I’m pregnant with your little brother’s baby.” or “I want your husband back in my beeeed. ” HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HANDLE THAT?!?! Call me paranoid, but anonymity freaks me the hell out. This is where all the cowards come out and play. I’ve read quite a few…and it amazes me how mean people can be when hidden. I also can’t help but notice that the most cruel people are usually the most unintelligent as well. 99.9 percent of the time I read something along the lines of:
“Oh you ugly stupid drama loving hore nobdy likes you go dye in a puddle of mud because your ugly and nbdy liks you hahaha. “
If you’re going to dislike somebody, can you at least have a backbone and some sort of intelligence level in the process? I will say, whoever has the courage to actually get one of these honesty things, props to you. As much as I know that haters gone hate (deuces!) , I’m not quite ready to give them a chance to hate on me so spinelessly and out in the open.
4. Facebook stupidity.
No, I’m not talking about Farmville or Mafia wars (though you will never catch me doing these either, and stop giving me your ducks, I DON’T WANT YOUR DAMN DUCK!) I am speaking of repetitive and constant Facebook Status Inside Jokes. Usually, but not always, these come from 13 year old girls…Who really probably shouldn’t be on facebook anyway. But if you’re not 13 and you’re still doing this, I think that’s even scarier. Two and a half words: Nobody freaking cares. Every single post has something to do with a friend (probably their only friend) and some ridiculous phrase of words that make absolutely no sense and that only their fellow only friend could possibly understand. It’s very possible they sit side by side trying to think of ways to make up something else that nobody except the two of them will understand. I haven’t yet figured out whether their motive is to (a. Prove that they have somebody they can make jokes with (b. Leave the world out of something they are privy to,therefore making the world jealous (but actually just very annoyed) or (c. To make everyone get that much closer to the ‘delete’ button.
If they’re going for option c, It’s working.
Examples (not real, but close enough):
“Scooby Doo ate my last gummy bear HAHAHAHA SAMANTHA BFFFFSSSS!”
“Flashlights rock my world! LMAO JENNY AND JOO BOO FOREVERRRRRR.”
I like inside jokes just as much as the rest of the world. But can you try keeping your inside jokes…kind of more inside of your world and out of my status updates? And goodness, stop yell laughing. It would be much appreciated.
5. Chat Roulette
Solely because I don’t like to see men wanking off in my spare time. I will read a book instead, thankyou.