I’m really good about being grateful for twenty-one year old stuff. Probably because…I’m 21. Friends. A fun job. Social events. School. Little moments in between. All of these things I appreciate with all of my heart. I was extremely inexperienced up until the age of 18 (As in, didn’t even get my first kiss until this age.) A lot of the things other people are accustomed to by then, I’m still getting used to. I cling to those things and cherish them more than anything. But I’m really young and a lot has happened to me in the past couple of years really fast. It’s been such a whirlwind that I feel the things that people years older than me would be dying to have and appreciating with their whole heart…I take for granted. This is me making a list to remind myself of how blessed/lucky I am (and that I’m a big kid now!) Ahem.
(And no, I am not still in diapers)
3 Big Kid Things I shouldn’t take for granted.
1. My house.
I realized when my best friend was here from Maryland (she left yesterday,tear.) that she took more pictures of my house than I ever had. That is pretty sad,yes? I hear a lot how lucky I am to own a house. Jeeze, at 21? I’d have to agree. It’s just happened so fast. This growing up thing. Having all this grown up stuff. Even though I help make payments and the house is under my name just as much it is my husband’s, The realization that this is my house is still not entirely in my head. It hasn’t sunk in yet. But every once in a while when someone mentions that they’d die to have a house right now, it hits me. I have a house. I am 21 years old and I own a freaking house. A cute house. A sturdy place with a fireplace to make memories and maybe one day (years from now) babies in (not in the fireplace, if that confused you.) A humble but beautiful home to be proud of. It dawns on me— I am one fortunate bitch.
Oh ,this boy. Where to start. I didn’t get to spend too much time with him while best friend was here for the week. I only see her once a year and I really wanted to give her my undivided attention. So. It was mostly very..um. Late night touch and go? That’s the only quality time we really got to spend with the other for a week. I’m not complaining because I love that too…but dude. I missed him! But it made me really appreciate him a lot more. I’m used to spending a good amount of time with husband and not doing so kinda made me sad. Everything about us is the closest thing to perfect I have ever in my life experienced. That wasn’t unplanned. I had it mapped out,man. I’ve had one other serious relationship in my life, and it was all wrong. I was always second best and really, I shouldn’t have ever been anything at all. I told myself that the next man I was seriously with would be everything I needed in a dude. That I would be his everything, not just his something. I had expectations and they were going to be met, damnit. Husband knew from the beginning what he was getting himself into. What I expected. There’s a country song called “I will…but.” that pretty much sums up everything I felt at the time.A few of my favorite verses:
“I won’t be your lifetime girlfriend. I won’t be just one of the guys. I won’t be your mama’s favorite. I refuse to be the last in line.”
I ended up being his mama’s favorite anyway (ha), but the rest I stuck firmly by. I think the fact that everything went so smoothly, that I got everything I wanted and then some…really threw me off. I think I’m still in shock. From the marriage plans to the fairytale wedding to settling down …the only word I really know that would fit would be perfect. The love, the intimacy, the companionship. All of it–perfect. The look on his face when he got down on one knee. I’ll never forget his eyes filling up with tears or the way he looked at me as we said our vows. Moving and making..memories on the floor of our old apartment one last time. It’s been like a movie. One of those movies I used to gag at and thought was all just fake. I grew up in a household that wasn’t exactly kisses and happiness all of the time. I guess I didn’t think that this kind of life was..well,real. Setting my standards so high was probably the best decision I’ve ever made. It’s just happened so quickly that sometimes (okay, a lot of times) I forget how lucky I am. He respects and adores and loves me more than I ever imagined I could be loved. Go ahead, throw up a little. Whenever I slip out the marriage word with my age attached in conversation, I usually get this look of shock. “But you’re so….young.” Good job with the math. I know I am. I never in my life expected to find everything I ever wanted in a guy so young. That wasn’t the plan at all. But I did and no way was I going to let that pass me by. There are still those moments that I’ll forget how blessed I am. Then there are those that I’ll sit there and think to myself, “Damn. How did I score all of this?” I don’t get it. But I’m sure glad I have it.
I can breathe. I can see. I can smell. I can eat. (This is starting to sound very Dr. Seuss-esque.) I’m alive. I’m healthy. My loved ones are healthy. I can walk, write,laugh, feel, skate, swim, explore,dance, love. There are so many things that I have the privilege of doing that not everyone can. That is something I all too often lose sight of. I have a loving family, friends, husband….I am loved. The sun is shining and when it’s not I love the rain. I have my whole future ahead of me and so many possibilities to choose from. I wake up every morning happy. My dreams are never better than my reality. It’s so easy to get caught up in my youth and day-to-day stresses that I forget all of this. I am blessed and I have love and happiness coming out of my ears. I’m a lucky girl.