“It’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring”– Marilyn Monroe
Dear Common Sense,
Why do I have so little of you? I feel this week has been particularly tough with you lacking so much. Thus far, you will be ashamed to hear I have, A. Cracked my phone down the middle after it just slipped out of my hands. This is particularly disheartening as last week, I got chocolate in the earpiece and now have to turn the speaker-phone on for anybody to even hear me. Not to mention it’s already been dropped in the toilet, by none other than yours truly. In turn, I am stuck with a cracked phone with audio issues that sends random repeat text messages to my friends whenever it so pleases. It’s mad at me, you understand. And with good reason. B. Completely destroyed this computer’s monitor. You know, the part you look at? I don’t know exactly how, but it could have something to do with spilling coffee into the keyboard roughly three times a week. Purely accidental, of course. However. Because of this,you see, it is required that I open and close the screen about 50 times and watch it blink on and off until it finds a pleasurable place to shine it’s light. Right now it seems to like to be kept at quite a difficult angle…That is,almost completely shut. I am bending my head and squinting my eyes in order to type this letter to you, My dear Common Sense. You ought to know this means I am rather desperate. C. Have acquired a noticeable limp when walking. My right ankle has had a bit of trouble since a run resulted in a bit of a fall and twist. Of course, I’ve kept running on it since, and even proceeded to jump off of a cliff (into water, of course..how dumb do you think I am?) right onto said troubled ankle. My husband now calls me ‘Gimp’ because I hobble instead of walk. You must understand that you were much needed in these moments ? Alas, you were nowhere to be found. D. Just when I thought I had finally mastered ignoring other people’s stupidity (I have gotten better!), I regress. Yesterday,a truck jammed full of about ten boys passed me when running and began their oh-so-classy and sophisticated boy ritual of honking and yelling my way. Considering I was outnumbered 10 perverts, 1 me…. I should have probably ignored this and been the bigger person here, right? I went for the satisfaction of sticking my middle finger up as high in the air as I possibly could without so much as glancing behind me. It felt amazing. I then tried to find a hiding spot the rest of the run home. You would have really come in handy here, my long lost Common Sense.
Luckily, I have quite a few things in my life that allow me to do okay without you anyway. Here’s a few of this weeks comforts:
Happy Hour at my favorite Mexican restaurant with one of my favorit-est girls in the world.
Ihop. Lemon pancakes and good friends=Delicious contentment. As you can see, I’m soaking wet. Not having common sense makes you forget the existence of towels after swimming.
Cheesecake. Obviously, cheesecake is way better than common sense. Especially peanut-butter chocolate cheesecake.
My husband. My husband is my common sense when my own is…absent. He also listens to me sob for an hour (when he would much rather be sleeping) over my dying computer. Conversation goes something like this.
Me:“My baby Toshiba is (sob) dead.”
Husband: But that’s not what’s important,baby. Our family (dogs+us=our family)is what’s important. And we’re all right here!
Me: But (sob)I (sob) want (sob) my (sob) computer (sob) to (sob) work right.(double sob.)
He eventually shutup and just held me. It’s amazing I’ve found someone to put up with me, isn’t it? Maybe you also ran off with my sanity?
Obviously, Common Sense, you’ve underestimated how cool my life is. I barely even need you. Maybe one day I will, (perhaps before I have children and end up training them like dogs? ‘Go Fetch your bottle little Bailee Boudreaux…Good girl! ‘ Eh? No?)but for now, I’m fairing just fine without. Now then. I must go now, I have Friday night plans and fun to attend to.
All my best and I hope you’re at least missing me a little bit,
Your common sense-less Christina.
Ps: You didn’t leave me for another girl did you? I doubt she needs you more than I do.