I was enjoying margaritas and Monte Christos ( Fried meat=Best meal ever.) last night with a best friend of mine . She, out of the blue,told me “I have a question for you.” Whenever I hear that my heart always kind of skips. It seems so serious. Makes me think I’m in trouble! I responded with a worried “Yes?!” But I wasn’t in trouble. She simply asked me, “Why do you stay so busy all of the time?” I’d never really thought about this before, so I didn’t know how to answer. All I know is I cram my life with a ridiculous amount of things, and that I like it that way. Right now is the busiest I have ever been. I’m working, I’m in school, I start my mentoring program in a week, The husband and I have just joined a bowling league, I host a radio show on campus, I’ve signed up for writing for the school paper,I have a house and a body and a dude to maintain, and I’m trying to keep an active social life in the mix of all of this. My best friend’s mom continually warns me that I’m taking on too much, which I do definitely realize. I pondered on Miss Tessa’s question for a few minutes before I answered. “I think..because it makes me feel good about myself” I finally responded. When I’m busy, I feel confident–Like I’m taking on the world by myself and succeeding. If you’ve read this since my old blog (I think there’s a handful of you. Though not all of you would admit to it, understandably.But still, thank-you for sticking in there.) you’ve really seen me grow up. Stumble and question my own opinions and go back and forth to finding my own self. I was nineteen when I started blogging. Nineteen! A baby. (I’m still called a baby, but at least I’m out of the teens now.) I had just entered my first serious relationship. I was confused and dependent and not very self-sufficient. I didn’t really like myself. Then a switch went off. I’m a very all or nothing kinda gal and I did a total 180. I’ve found this spot where I have a niche and feel really good about what I’m doing. I have reasons to be proud of myself. I’ve accomplished so many goals and checked off lists and that feels really good. I may be doing too much. Actually, okay (I admit it, grumble.) , I kind of know I’m doing way too much. But I get a high off of it. Being busy and over-booking myself, I’ve learned, is my drug. I’m sure there will be a point where I overdose, but for now, I’m seeing rainbows and butterflies.
Tessa ended our conversation by telling me that I was her motivation to do more, which made me blush. Me! Somebody’s motivation! Tessa always makes me think and flatters me. She’s a good friend.(Love you Tessa!) I know I say this a lot, but I love the peeps in my life. Whether you’re a friend, a blog friend, a family member, or you might as well be a family member…..I’m thankful to say throughout all the craziness in my life, I have the best support system a chick could ask for. In whatever way you be there, just…Thank-you.