The art of saying no and ‘The idea of me.’

I went out last night with a couple of my girlfriends and it reaffirmed a few things I already know about myself. Things I love: My friends and being taken. Things to work on:  Saying no and not being so damn naive. Even though I’ve grown up and learned so much in the past couple of years, I’m still learning. My husband teaches me a lot. He’s actually taught me more than I would ever possibly care to know. We have long talks about relationships and love, and if you know Robby, you know he’s not philosophical or poetic about what he knows. He’s to the point, and it’s in the plainest use of vocabulary possible. There is one term that he uses to explain his relationship with a girl or so, this including me when we first met. “I was in love with the idea of you.” he says of our first few months together. I guess this should hurt my feelings or something but he goes onto explain that what he feels now is so much different and real and bla-bla-bla. So I forgive him for only liking the idea of me aka (in Robby words) the idea of having to wait for sex. Husband is first to explain that with guys when a relationship is beginning all that really occurs in their mind is “SexSexSex. WhenWhenWhen.” I guess a lot of girls know that, but it’s still hard for me to comprehend. I’m just glad the real me is better than the idea of me. Or whatever. Boys are confusing. I don’t miss trying to decipher what guys say from what they really mean. I’m honestly just glad I never have to go through all of that ever again. There are some great things about being single, but then some things that just make my stomach curl thinking about. Douche-bags. Dudes falling in love with the idea of me. (counting Robby,I’m pretty sure this has happened twice before.)  Awkward silences. Nodding my head and smiling when I’d much rather puke. Dates where I would like to just go home while the dude is sitting there telling me how much he likes me after two hours. Bad kissers. Sweet-talkers. Oh boy. The list goes on. I’m so glad to have somebody to come home to who knows me and loves me and laughs with me about stuff without me having to explain it all first and hope that it may be funny. I’m 21, and maybe I should be out there single and on the prowl. But goodness,I’m so glad I’m not. 

I’m telling you all of this because, last night as I hookah-ed with my girlfriends, I kind of reminisced on my short run as a single girl. I had some good times and met a handful of interesting fellows. And as much as I am thankful for being permanently taken, there are some things you single girls can do that I just can’t. Bang my really hot crush in my Western Civ. class, for example. (And please somebody,go for it.) Or the brand new feel of butterflies in your stomach and dancing on air after a good second date. Or giving a guy your number without feeling guilty because you have a husband at home. Ha. I may be a little bit guilty of this last night. Some cowboy dude got to talking to us. We had interesting conversations and I was giggly and talkative as always and got a few pictures in (As you probably know, I take pictures with everyone I meet.) I got up to leave to go home and make my boy a sandwich and cowboy boy jumped to getting my number. I didn’t find him attractive or even all that amusing and I just wanted to go home and cuddle with my boy. But I couldn’t just say no. Well, I could. But I didn’t. I’m so bad at saying no on the spot to things like this. I know it’s actually a ‘Get out of Jail Free Card’ but there are times I think it seems awkward for me to use. I feel like I’m assuming too much when I announce “I have a husband.” and I feel too bitchy to give him a wrong number. My friend’s are both cracking up laughing at me and one starts pointing at my wedding ring as I rattle off my digits. Will I ever answer this boy’s calls? No.  Did my friend’s tell him I was married as soon as I walked out of the door? God, I hope so. Things like this seem to happen somewhat often. Husband’s a good sport and knows I’m very faithful, but I wish I could find my balls and just be like “Nope. Married. Sorry.”  more often than not. Alas. My balls are nowhere to be found.

On the bright side, I always have a new reason to be thankful for my girlfriends. I’ve kind of alternated out finding new boys to focusing on the love I have for my girls, and making new lovely chick friends. I don’t miss dating new dudes. I think the only thing I would miss is the rush of getting to know someone new, which I can do all within the female species,without ever having to give up any sex for it. In a sense, I have it all. Life in general gives me butterflies. I have my loving husband and lots and lots of girlfriends (and a few great dude friends who might as well be my girlfriends.) Both who love me for more than just the idea of me, and whether or not I learn how to say ‘no’ anytime soon or not. What more could a gal want!?

Ps: These texts just in from my friend:

Katie:Have you talked to cowboy man since last night?

Me: No. F%$#. I was hoping y’all told him I was married since I suck at doing it myself haha?

Katie: Haha no we didn’t tell him hahahahaa.

Damnit.

12 thoughts on “The art of saying no and ‘The idea of me.’

  1. Girl, you just have to practice sayin’ “NO”. Believe me, the first time it’s reeeeeallllly hard…but you can do it! You are strong! you are WOMAN! you are MARRIED dammit, you SHOULD BE SAYING NO!!!!!!”

    Now…repeat after me…

    “Can I have your number?”

    “ummm…sorry NO!”

    ……

    I’m waiting Tina…come on…you can do it…NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNoooooooooooohhhh”

    There see? now try it again.

    “no”

    Good! Again!

    “NO”

    OK ONE more time, this time with feeling!

    “NO DAMMIT!!! CAN’T YOU SEE THE RING ON MY FINGER YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A MAN??”

    hrm….you MAY have overdone it on the last one…nvm, you’ll get the hang of it *grins*

  2. Meg says:

    Wow mom, harsh. ahahaha

    I probs woulda given him my number too. WHat if he was gay? and just wanted to be your friend. One might say a straight man could have gotten your number and just wanted to be your friend, but we know that is false hahaha. I guess if i had time to like, pause the situationa nd think i’d say something like “I would but I don’t think my husband wants me to give my number out to guys at the bar, even super nice ones.”

    =]

    I hate the idea of you. lol! Best friend thousands of miles away? NOT COOL! But i love the actual you enough to deal with the idea of you.

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