Sometimes, I’m learning, there are two options. Sit on the floor and cry like a two year old in the middle of a major temper tantrum, or simply learn to be okay with it. I’m trying my best to usually choose the latter. (Though sometimes the first feels better, I must say.)
My husband gets a little too excited over the “Free” stuff on Craigslist. He fails to realize there’s ually a reason the stuff is free. Two days ago he had a huge hot-tub delivered to our house. I wish I wouldn’t have been at school and perhaps I could have convinced him that it wasn’t such a good idea. Instead I get home to find a hot-tub that takes up half of our garage. Yesterday we found out, much to husband’s surprise (and not mine), that the free hot-tub does not get hot. And now we have a huge broken cold-tub to fill our garage. And I’m okay with that. Because the dude spent hours hooking up wires and sweating and probably nearly electrocuting himself trying to get that darn thing to work. Because he’s a hard worker. Because I know he was thinking of us around Christmas-time, warm and snuggled up and drinking wine in a free hot-tub. Because when he really wants something, he is by far one of the most determined men I know. And I am willing to bet that by Christmas, we will be warm and snuggled up and drinking wine in our free hot-tub.
I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I go back and forth a lot. And that’s okay with me.Because I have time. Because today, as I went through the credits needed for behavioral science majors, I got mind orgasms. Seeing classes like “Personality traits” and “Marriage and Relationships” got me so excited that I realized, taking my time may have given me time to realize what my true calling is. Or maybe it hasn’t. Maybe I’ll change my mind in a week and want to be a lawyer. And that’s okay with me too. Because I’m really good at bullshitting.
Today I accidentally dropped the f-bomb on my on campus radio show. Not only is this very illegal, I also go to a religious school that sometimes monitors our show. I realized my mistake, gasped loudly and abruptly, and immediately made my co-host cut to a song. I constantly embarrass myself like this. I trip on things,and say things without thinking, and think people are talking to me when they really aren’t. I make up words such as “chemistrial” (It means we have great chemistry) and pronounce easy words (I pronounced ‘isotope’, ‘Eye-so-toe-pee” the other day) completely wrong. And that’s okay with me. Because today I made a friend laugh so hard that she practically peed her pants, and that made being dumb so worth it. Because I think most people know that I just wouldn’t be Christina if it wasn’t for my two left feet and constant rambling and abuse of the English language.
This world is scary. Bad things happen. People are hurt. And then people hurt other people back. Unfortunately, there is always going to be that someone out there who can’t stand to see you happy, for whatever their reason may be. Someone who doesn’t feel they amount to enough. Someone who sees in you what they hate about themselves. Someone who wants what you have. Someone who has been broken by someone else and now wants to break you as well. Almost like a zombie in search of their prey. (I’ve watched one too many movies with the husband.) Someone who wants to take their life out on you. And it’s not right, but it’s still okay with me. Because maybe this person doesn’t want blood but just needs a hug or somebody to talk to. Because I really do try understand why other people do what they do. Because I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and be the bigger person. Because I’m learning I don’t have to please everyone. Because when I’m tempted to cuss somebody out, I’ve realized I’m just as satisfied jogging while playing Taylor Swift music in my ears at full blast instead. Because I can look at myself in the mirror and smile. Because when my husband lays on me I can smell his hair and it smells like fresh shampoo and for some reason that gives me hope for all of mankind.
I have a persuasive speech to do on Friday and I hate speeches. It didn’t help that one girl had a panic attack and ran out of the room while doing her speech today. Gulp. As social as I am and as many theatre classes as I’ve taken, speaking formally in public is a weird fear of mine. But that’s even okay with me. Because I’m getting better at it. Because being scared is making me better.
I will never be the smartest or the most gorgeous or the best or the most successful. And that’s perfectly okay with me. Because though I’m not the smartest, I try my hardest. Though I’m not Miss USA, I am pretty and I have a husband who tells me I’m beautiful everyday. I’m not the best, but I have things I’m really good at. And though I might not ever be the most successful person in the world, my daddy always tells me he’s proud of me and my mom sometimes updates her facebook statuses according to how well I’m doing in school.
I am a spaz. And seem to sometimes have an involuntary twitch in my left eye.And that’s okay with me. It makes for an interesting video blog anyway. And I have a lot of fun with my alone time.
There will always be those reasons why life could be better. Because we’re all imperfect. Because I forgot to fold the laundry tonight. Because I have to wake up early for work tomorrow. Because this world will always be full of haters (who have haters.) But you know what? My loved ones are healthy and so am I. I’m loved. I can see. I can write. I can feel. I can taste. I can watch the sun rise and set. So everything else? That’s the easy stuff. And it’s all okay with me.