Life is speeding by right now. I can’t believe how close Thanksgiving is. I can’t believe all of the friends and facebook friends having babies or getting engaged or breaking up or just growing up when I thought they’d be kids forever. I can’t believe how fast this year has gone by. All of these things going on around me are like a blur right now. I feel like, and have been teased by those older than me, if I blink wrong I may wake up and be thirty or sixty or something. This is scary to me. I think I’m living too fast. Or the world won’t slow down for me. It’s terrifying and I feel like pushing the pause button. At the happiest time in my life and of the year, this is when I would love to just put everything to a stand-still. I’ve always been so big on savouring the moment, and I don’t like being so busy that I almost can’t. So I thought about last week, and I looked a little deeper into all of the itsy bitsy things that made me happy or grateful or excited. This is what I came up with:
Trying on wigs. Sticking my tongue out. Trying on wigs while sticking my tongue out. Feeling really confident about a test I just took. Watching the movie “Valentines Day” with my man in the middle of November–While eating chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. Colder weather and all the warm and fuzzy feelings that come with it. Learning. Cheap wine. Friends who I see on a regular basis. Having friends (for me their names are Meg Cory Tucker and Bryant Ti Phamvu) who live anywhere from two to a million hours away from me and knowing no matter how long I go without talking to them that they will always,always,always be my forever friends. Who I can go months without talking to and then pick up right back where we started. Who, after about a month of not talking, send me random-ass text messages about a dream they had where a girl from our highschool was flying. The freedom of run-on sentences and fragments. The smell of honeysuckles and other pretty flowers when I’m jogging. My feet underneath the warm covers when it’s chilly outside. Sleeping in for just five more minutes. Getting a strike when bowling, and all the shouting and high-fives that accompany this rare event. House shindigs. Drinking games at house shindigs. Having my own drinking game at my own house shindig. Inviting new friends over to said house parties with said drinking games. The thrill of new friendship. Buying bubble tea and matching dresses at the mall with a best friend. Being on a podcast with three perverted dudes–and being told that I fit right in. And taking that as a compliment. Making mixed cd’s for my on campus radio show and picking each song out with care, even though no one really likes my taste in music. Buying cute panties with sushi designs on sale for .99 cents. Realizing later that these panties were probably on sell for .99 cents, because honestly, who really wants the insinuation that sushi on your girl part probably brings? Wearing them anyway, because I’m married and it doesn’t really matter. Holding hands and cuddling with girlfriends. Football. Cuddling and snogging my husband. Working at Starbucks and being excited to go to work so I can load up on soy peppermint mochas and eggnog chais in the colder weather. The feeling of drinking a soy peppermint mocha and an eggnog chai in the colder weather. Realizing I like it so much not only for the taste but because it makes me think of Santa Claus, and Christmas lights and songs and presents and being warm by a fire. Because it makes me feel young and giddy and festive. School. Having way too much fun at school. Wearing boy’s hats, at school and various other places. The guilty pleasure of skipping class and going out to eat at a nearby restaurant with girlfriends instead. Spaghetti and meatballs. And bread. Chipolte chicken burrito bowls. With guacamole. Dates to Taco Cabana. Knowing that turkey will soon be on my plate and that family will soon be by my side. My obsession with Taylor Swift’s new album even if I get made fun of for it. Long conversations that make me think. People who inspire me to think. Long conversations with people who inspire me to think. Fighting to make-up. Make-up love. Love in general. Dates with Little of Big Brothers Big Sisters, and noticing that she’s pretty much the coolest fifteen year old I’ve ever known. Also realizing that this mentoring program has made me care about others in a way that I never have before. Trying to convince her not to buy me a Christmas present.The feeling of being twenty-one, and on top of the world. Like I know it all and have it all, but still realizing that I actually don’t actually know or have it all. But that’s okay, because the feelings really nice.
I’m trying hard, in the hustle and bustle, not to forget some of the things that have always been important to me before. To ask questions, To not just see but actually look,and to always notice the beauty in every single detail life throws my way. At least then if I blink wrong and wake up 30 years older, I’ll know I lived those thirty years right.