This blog took me down a lot of roads and a lot of old emotions. It was kind of weird and more loaded than I thought it would be. I started writing it last night, and haven’t finished until just now. It’s crazy all that’s happened and every way I’ve changed in five years. A walk down memory lane always is bittersweet, and I’m happy to say my journey to where I’m at right now, through the bitter, has always been at least a little more sweet.
I cleaned my closet out about a month ago and ended up perusing through many old journal entries. I smiled and laughed and just about cried reading some of them. When talking to people, I’m pretty much an open book when it comes to the last couple years of my life. But even though most everyone already knows all about my 2010, some of you don’t know the bits and pieces of my previous 2000’s. I find these years, starting at age 17, especially important because they’ve done the most to make me into who I am today. I see seventeen as the age that I started to really learn and live, though I took little baby steps at first. So hopefully nobody minds too much when I try to give somewhat short reviews of every year, starting in 2006. Hopefully you’ll even enjoy this indulgence of mine a little bit.
- 2006- I was homeschooled for most of this year and, though I had been homeschooled on and off my whole life, I really hated it this year. I had recently moved to the middle of nowhere with my family and,to make matters much worse, my best friend had moved to Maryland. I was supposed to adjust and never really did. I was lonely,bored, and awkward. In an attempt to fix all of this I decided not eating would do the trick. I then become a lonely,bored and awkward anorexic. Very bad mix. Then, lo and behold, the moment that changed everything. I went to get a haircut at the mall and this sweet Asian lady cutting my hair, bless her, asked if I would like to be a model for their Toni and Guy fashion show. WOULD I!?!?! I know she couldn’t have known this, but this was something I desperately needed. The fact that I was chosen for anything, much less to be a model, did wonders for my self-esteem. Not only that, I got to pick out a dress and shoes to wear from a fancy boutique and get my hair colored and fixed for free. The other models, even after watching me run into a glass window at full force, treated me like friends. I walked down a freakin’ run-way, and people I didn’t know took pictures of me. I felt like a princess. That sweet lady’s simple question was my saving grace that year. And then there was my wake-up call. In order to obtain better social skills and get my high-school diplomat, I started my senior year at a new school. Summit Christian Academy! (Public school was never an option with my parents, and I was so socially awkward at this point that this really wasn’t a good idea anyway.) This was all at once a life-changing,thrilling,and terrifying year for me. I started off as a strange and very innocent, gangly and giggly little thing that didn’t know how to act around anyone. Did I mention I was really weird? Thankfully, my graduating class of thirteen took me under their wing and accepted me as one of their own. I made it through the year wide-eyed and with a little more experience under my belt. I’d say 2006 was the time life went looking for me. I’d call 2007 the time I went looking for life.
- 2007- I was so innocent that every new experience became amazing to me. I made a couple of good friends, and my first ever dude friend,who to this day is my best dude friend. I thought I was in love with him at the time, but I laugh now thinking about that. I got drunk for the first time. I also threw up, dry-heaved, passed out and begged God to spare me the next morning for the first time in my life. I crowd-surfed. I went to Paris and London on a senior trip; This was the first plane ride of my entire life and I instantly fell in love. Days after returning from Europe, I went to see my best friend in Maryland and we traveled to New York together. I got my belly button pierced, much to my best friend’s mom’s dismay. Soon after returning from Maryland, I went to Colorado for a family reunion. On my return, my dad decided it was time I go get a job already, and I found my first real job as a waitress. This was a bigger shock to my system than private school ever was. I was still extremely innocent and naive,never been kissed and never been introduced to the real world. And here it was. 2008 was my introduction to love,empathy, and other foreign emotions.
- 2008- People were mean here, really mean. They didn’t try to spare my feelings or guard their thoughts as I was accustomed to. I was yelled at for little mistakes constantly and no one held back when I messed up. I refused to quit and prove anybody right, and I soon became one of the favorite waitresses among customers. Unfortunately, I also became the favorite waitress to the head-chef, who just so happened to be my boss’s son. We dangerously became close friends for almost a year, and (wouldn’t you know it) one thing led to another, and ended in my inevitable first heart-break and break-up. This started out as secret relationship, but as neither of us did much to hide it, soon everyone knew. This including my parents and his mom(aka my boss.) Luckily, at this time his mom and the crew had taken a liking to me, and my job was spared. However, through my constant lying and stupidity, my relationship with my parents had been severed and working at my job was now very uncomfortable. Still, I kept hanging on. But I was heart-broken and angry at myself and the world in general. This ended up being a good thing as it inspired me to gain some life experiences on my own such as getting a tattoo, making new friends, partying, going on dates, and kissing more boys. I learned that I was strong and had wonderful friends to keep me going in moments that I was not. Then, in May of 2008, I met Robby. We were at a small party and juiced a cantaloupe together. After too many jello-shots, I made out with him and he asked me on a date. I didn’t like him at first. I was still hung up on the other dude and Robby was everything he wasn’t. It took me some time to see that this was a good thing. At first, his country accent seemed annoyingly thick as I had been working with a bunch of New-Yorkers for a year,and he sometimes said and did things that just….shocked me. Robby’s from a small town and was still adjusting to the city-life, and I, being Austin-bred,was thrown off. It took a while for me to realize that all of his intentions were good and, though sometimes politically incorrect, he didn’t have one hate-bone in his entire body. However, just coming out of a bad relationship, I was pretty doubtful for a while. He told me he loved me and that I was “The One” after two weeks, and though I repeated it, it took me a while longer to feel the same. But eventually, I did feel the same. I moved in with the dude before even sleeping with him, and soon after, left my waitressing job. Life became my playground. My new and first real boyfriend let me move in with him and we played house. Playing house, of course, included eventually having sex. As he was my first, I became clingy and crazy and really tested dude’s patience. But he stuck it out and we became even closer through our many fights,trials and a couple of almost break-ups. And In December of 2008, Robby Boudreaux got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.
- 2009– I said yes. We moved into our first apartment with no roomates together. It was ours, and it felt like home. I brought home a puppy, and we then had two dogs and two people; The four of us became a little family. We didn’t fight much anymore. (Me and my husband, I mean. I never fight with the dogs.) I realized that this was the love I had always wanted, just in very different ways than I expected. There were no mysteries or games or strings attached. Robby was just simple. And I fell in love with his simplicity, though I had always longed for the thrill and complexity before. By this time, I was over my short stint of clinginess, and begin to venture out. I tried new things,made a lot of new friends, and found a confidence I never had before. Though still naive, I understood the world in a way I didn’t before and was no longer so naive that I was a complete idiot. It’a amazing to me that my boy loved me so much even when I was extremely awkward. I once dry-humped his leg when making out with him. Luckily this year was a huge learning experience for me. I learned not everyone has my best intentions at heart, that girls (self included) are all at least slightly crazy, and that it really is hard for guys and girls to be ‘Just friends.’, at least when one is single and the other is happily not. Finally, I got married. I hated planning the wedding. I was twenty years old and I had always hated planning things anyway. I think, at the time, a court-house wedding would have been fine. Even to this day when I see others planning their big-day, I thank my lucky stars I never have to go through all of that again. Still, the wedding day made up for all of the chaos. It was beautiful and everything I had ever wanted. Again, I felt like a princess. But this time, a princess who had found her prince. (Hee. Cheesy!) Our Cancun honeymoon was just as perfect and added to my list of cool life experiences; I kissed a shark,snorkled with pretty fishies, and danced with a dude on a boat in the middle of the ocean in my bikini. 2009 was the year I truly and deeply fell in love with living.
- 2010- This year! 2010 and the year I turned 21. Man, time flies, doesn’t it? A lot has happened this year. If 2007 is when I started really living, and 2009 is when I fell in love with living; I’d call 2010 the year the I put both of these to good use. I used my knowledge and love for life together and I became hungry to live in every way I possibly could. I took a belly-dancing class with a friend. My husband and I bought a house. I bar-hopped,cliff-jumped, and went to Vegas with my boy. I joined a mentoring program and volunteered at a soup kitchen a couple of times. I learned how to say goodbye to things and people that weren’t good for me. Starbucks hired me on as a barista and I made some new great friends because of this. I danced on top of the bar at Coyote Ugly. I tried to donate blood but passed out after the finger prick. I transferred from a community college to a university and changed my major to multi-disciplinary in Communications/ Psychology. I watched Chuck Milligan, a famous hypnotist, live at my university. My best friend came down from Maryland and we went to a museum that collected eyelashes and a flamingo head. I played volleyball at a bar called Weirdos. I made my first quiche and bread-pudding, both of which were surprisingly good. Husband and I joined a bowling league, and I proudly became the worst bowler in the entire league. I sang karaoke onstage at a bar with one of my best friends. I became even more smitten and invested in the relationships I have with all of my wonderful girlfriends. I became a better public speaker. I learned to take better care of myself. I DJ’d an on-campus radio show and joined a podcast called youruncleslap. I started video blogging a little bit; Among the most interesting, I accidentally dyed my hair orange and many other colors and made a Jersey Shore parody that became embarrassingly popular both among friends and strangers on Facebook. I re-pierced my belly button, went to my first gay bar, and received a manicure while drinking a huge margarita. I made good grades,new friends, and realized a potential in me I had kept stored within my insecurities before.
I’m excited to see what 2011 will bring and what life will mean to me in this new year. Tomorrow I will be starting off the year with best friends and the husband by my side. I’m eager to bring my 2010 hunger along and start off with a trip to Louisiana and a Martial Arts class. It’s weird to me how fast time goes by. To think of it this way really freaks me out: When I’m 27, my husband’s current age, He’ll be 33. When my mom was 33, I was 15. I remember 15 like it was yesterday. But it was close to six years ago! You’re probably tilting your head in confusion, but for some weird reason, this is one of the many equations that inspires me to live life to the fullest every single day. And whatever 2011 brings, I suppose time can only tell. But dangit, I’m ready to get out there and live some more.