Being a grown-up sometimes has it’s off days. This week it’s hit all at once; Bills to pay, School payments due, A harder than expected test, and a spat with the husband….All before Wednesday. I don’t cry much and I don’t think I’ve cried as much in months as I have in the past two days. I expressed to my boy that I just feel defeated and worn out this week. I know I take a lot of things on at once and for my age, and it’s almost become like a balancing act. Usually I’m pretty good at it but when one thing falls, it seems everything else does too. As do I. Bad days especially get to me because they remind me that I am not super-woman and that I cannot take on the whole world by myself. But even though they may hurt my ego, I’ve learned that my crummy days also have their up-sides. Whenever I feel I may crawl up into a ball until further notice, it is then that everyone else seems to shine through to me the most. Because of my pride and my want to stay cheerful/not be a downer, I usually tell a minimal amount of people about my bad days (It’s actually hard for me admitting to my fellow bloggers that I had one.) What amazes me is, though I keep my happy face on, it’s almost like the universe has “A Christina Crappy Day Radar.” And uses it to give me bunches of little moments to make the crappy day better.
Monday and Tuesday, for example. My crappiest of crappy days in a while. My heart warms when thinking about all of the small acts of kindness that those around me have given in the past few days: A coworker randomly bought me a cup of coffee. Another coworker made me listen to songs from his Ipod and, after my approval, decided he would be making me a mix c.d. today (he actually made me three.) I’ve had a happy hour, coffee date, and two lunch dates with four girl pals from school in the past three days; One date two hours apart from another and all four filled with giggles and good conversation. My best friend since childhood texted me telling me she might move from Maryland to Texas once she graduates; This made me both want to laugh and cry from complete, hopeful joy. The fifteen year old I mentor let me know her mom was urging her friend to join Big Brothers Big Sisters while bragging about me. This put a huge grin on my face as I’ve become really fond of not only my mentee, but her whole family as well. I really can’t communicate with her mommy as I speak little Spanish and she speaks little English. But we always attempt a half-conversation and greet each-other with big smiles; I’ve learned there is no language barrier in getting a good sense of someone.
I came home last night to my husband smiling apologetically and doing a honey-do that had been on his list for a while. We ended the night with a movie and a perfectly satisfactory cuddle-session. Dammit, I just can’t stay mad at him for very long. A friend of mine left a comment on facebook reminding me of a road-trip we have planned for the summer. I received a sweet email for a nanny-job that may look promising sometime in the next few months. My best guy friend kept me laughing whilst trying to sound cool via text messaging:
But then later ruined it by being a softy at bed time:
And Miss Katie,the only friend whom I had the chance to sit down and discuss the full extent of my crappy day, texted me :
I feel I must note these things because on a day-to-day basis there are occasionally times I don’t appreciate moments like this enough. I’m a lucky girl. I know that there is little chance of an instilled Christina Crappy Day Radar in those around me, but that every single day is filled with little moments of those who love and care about me. I just get too focused on doing things on my own and not letting myself feel down; What I’m sure someone would like to slam through my crazy head is that It’s okay to be weak & that I have to let those who love me be there for me. I’m getting there. Until then, It makes me smile to know that, despite my stubbornness, I am surrounded by those who are ready to help and be there when I say the word–Or even when I don’t say anything at all. Though it’s obvious to me that my life is always full of good friends, sweet texts, fun dates, and little moments of kindness, sometimes it’s just easiest to be thankful for these things when I need them the most. So no, I am not super-woman. Not even close. But when I’m caving in from my kryptonite I have those all around who help get me strong again. And if it takes a bad day to remind me of all the good things I have, then that’s just fine with me.