Screw Ideals, Be Happy.

       Conversation I hear frequently:

Me: Well my husband and I….

Other person: Wait….you’re married!?

Me: Yes.

Other person: But you’re SO young!!!

It happens enough now that I both expect and understand it. We are taught to idealize. We’re shown that there is this perfect way to live and that we should be living it. We hear that there are certain ages to do certain things and we feel bad if we aren’t doing them “on time.” Ideally, I’d probably graduate in the next year, marry at 26 and have 2 and a half kids by age 32. Instead I married at 20, will probably be in school until I’m 24, and kids are a big scary question mark in my head for who knows how long. I’ve come to the humble opinion that ideals are usually stupid. They have this funny way of making you feel guilty for not living the life you feel you should; Of making you compare yourself to others who are living differently at your age. Truth is, unless you’re a case similar to 16 and pregnant, it’s not important. Here’s what is: Is what you’re doing hurting anyone else? Are you happy? Does the person you’re with treat you right and make you happy? Or does being single satisfy you more than a relationship would right now? If the answer is yes to any but the first, screw ideals. Be 20 and married and madly in love and happy. Be 30 and dating and childless and happy. Be 50 and single and flirting and happy. Forget what you “should” be doing and what others your age are doing. If you are going to strive for something, do it because of that little voice inside, not the millions of voices outside. Let go of the idea that there is a way you ought to be living and focus on being who and where you want to be. I may never live in a house with a white picket fence, but I do have a home full of love and sometimes freshly baked cookies. I can’t change the fact that my first real kiss wasn’t until age 18, but at least it taught me to never take for granted the joy of kisses. Yes, I have a crappy old car, but it gets me where I need to go. I may graduate years late from college, but hey, at least I’m there. And sure, my husband may be six years my senior and I may be “too” young, but I’ve never been happier anywhere else than I am coming home to him. All the other stuff really doesn’t matter. What matters to me is that I am happy doing what I am doing. So who cares what I should be doing?

19 thoughts on “Screw Ideals, Be Happy.

  1. Very true. I hear those comments too, except I’m 26, so it’s, “WHAT, YOU DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND? I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND, BLAH BLAH.”

  2. Meg says:

    Omg I love thisss. I totally agree. I hate when people do things for the wrong reasons, specifically to please persons other than themselves first, then complain about not enjoying life. I’m like, okay change that…”ooh i can’t do thatt” well then stop complaining! haha You can do whatever you want stop making excuses!

    I’ve always thought of it like that ^^ but reading this made me think of it another way too for some reason. I think it’s better to just go with your feelings rather than relentlessly analyzing what the right thing, safest thing, most practical thing, to do is. I mean obviously THINK. But when it comes to some things, just go with your gut. Don’t think about going with your gut then go back and forth deciding whether to do so or not, haha, just do it! =]

    ❤ you and all your happiness!
    So glad you're not following all of societies ideals. Especially cuz i'm sur eyou'd be complaining about how unhappy you are =P I would not be down for that. I like my best friends happy.

  3. Expectations and ideals should be your own. Individual perception and definition is different for everyone.

    I didn’t meet my husband until I was 25 and didn’t get married until I was 27. I’m 36 now and we’re expecting our first child. Definitely not the “ideal” schedule for many and we’ve been questioned lots of times, especially on when we were going to have kids. Do things on your schedule is what I say!

  4. I set expectations up for myself all the time. For instance I feel like I should be in college right now or have already toured Europe like I had promised myself I would before I was 20. Life decided to take a different turn and for the most part I’m satisfied w/ the scenery. The areas that I’m unsatisfied with I’m learning to work hard on and change.
    Allen and I were having a lot of issues because I’d compare us to other couples. A lot of the couples we hang out with are either married or living together and I felt left out. I hate to use that, “left out”, but it’s true. It was more of a race than anything else for me which is ridiculous. We’ve all seen what marriages look like when you get into something you aren’t ready for. NOT good so I’m going to take my time with this one…enjoy what I have while I have it. If the times comes that life is just crap or so I feel that it is then it’s time to change something.
    Sorry for the story. Great blog, lady.

      • Simply wish to say your article is as asuntoding. The clarity in your post is just nice and i could assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the gratifying work.

  5. Be 50 and single and flirting and happy.
    AMEN! (though I’m 48)

    Main thing… just PURSUE WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! And if it changes, pursue that new thing instead!

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