The pieces of others that make us fit together just right.

Yesterday I came home from work to see a bed that was made. As husband was still sleeping when I left for work, I was certain it wasn’t I who made the bed. This left Robby or the dogs. As adorably messy as it was put together, I still went with the slightly more logical approach and decided husband made the bed. But husband doesn’t make the bed. Ever. I had to call him to make sure our dogs didn’t become canine geniuses overnight. Sure enough, the boy was the maker of said bed. He told me, “You said it was your pet peeve when the bed wasn’t made.” (Wouldn’t it be better if the dogs HAD made the bed? Since it’s a pet peeve and all? HA?!) I remembered then, telling him this over a rant of mine last week. I had just come home from work and he was home all day on a two week vacation. The house was, in my opinion, a disaster. In his opinion, he had cleaned a lot that day. Again, In my humble opinion, there was crap everywhere and I clean every-day even after a hard day’s work and you were home all day and you couldn’t even pick your beer can from last night up and YOU NEVER MAKE THE BED AND IT’S MY PET PEEVE, DAMMIT! Oh,yes. The trials and tribulations of living with the opposite sex for over three years. Husband took most of this in with mild amusement, as he usually does. I do not share his calm personality. Though I would like to maybe sometimes murder him for always being so level-headed and able to laugh things off when I just want to fight and scream, I know it’s among the things that make us so compatible.

You may be wondering why I’m telling you a story about me being such a mean wife. Well. Lately,I’ve been thinking about what we’ve carried with us into our relationship.

 Because really, it’s never just two people with clean slates starting a life together. It’s all of the stuff, good and bad, that has been picked up from so many others along the way.

My need for a clean house stemming from my dad’s extremely organized personality. My reaction to unclean house stemming from growing up in a household where screaming at a person who is right next to you was the only way to work it out. Robby maybe being slightly spoiled growing up as the baby of the family. All of the times my childhood self gave my poor little brother bloody noses, simply for being the spoiled baby of the family. Our occasionally butting heads because I’m the initiative-driven, get-things-done oldest and he’s the laid back, take-it-easy youngest. Him telling me I take on too much and me yelling at him because he doesn’t make the bed. My doubts and fears of relationships and his completely optimistic view of love conquering all. His past of immaturity and partying too hard and mine of selfishness and naivety. The mistakes we’ve made and those who have hurt us and and the hurting we’ve done to others now belonging to not just one person, but two.

And somehow, amazingly, the pieces of us that we’ve acquired from others seem to make the two of us fit together just right.

He calms me down when I’m frazzled. I remind him when he’s forgetful. He listens to every word I say when I’m upset, and this makes me realize yelling isn’t even necessary. He hears me at any volume. I encourage him to seize the day. He encourages me to slow down and take time to enjoy the day. My imperfections and our bills surely remind him that marriage is no fairytale; His random kisses, loving words and gentle spirit remind me that our marriage is so different than others that have made me pessimistic. All of the hurting and the mistakes before show us what we don’t want from this life together now.

His making the bed for me is a small indication of such a big thing. We are learning together, growing together, and working through our separate pasts together, one little kink at a time. We’re molding what’s been given to us and passed down from others into our own dysfunctional version of happily ever after. Bed made and all.

25 thoughts on “The pieces of others that make us fit together just right.

  1. You’ve probably heard family psychologists say that women are programmed to see dirt from the time they’re old enough to pick up a broom, while men are given a pass when it comes to cleaning and picking up. (And it’s their mother’s fault—Moms have a bad tendency to say, “Oh, he’s a boy, what can you do?”) So what looks clean to him looks like a pigpen to you. You do have the right attitude, however: it’s not the perfectly made bed with hospital corners that’s really important in the end, but the way you care about each other. If he’s considerate of you 97% of the time and is obviously making the effort to please you, sure, give him a pass. But keep up the good work trying to train him—I think guys need that, though I don’t think they should be treated like un-housebroken puppies. (Well, sometimes they should, lol.)

    I’d love to see you guys on your 50th wedding anniversary, if I should live so long!

    • I’m female but I don’t see dirt/dust. I figure part of it is because I’m not allergic to dust, mold, dander, dust mites, etc… so it doesn’t bother me. I’m a firm support of Quentin Crisp’s quote… “There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.”

      Also “A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.”

      • Ha i’m actually an extremely messy person and what I think is a clean house really isn’t at all. I just want it to look clean….meaning I shove and throw things in hidden spaces,whereas my husband deep cleans but forgets the little things I notice. Thanks for the comments,y’all make me smile a bunch 🙂

      • I love the last quote. I feel better about sitting among the piles of books that haven’t been shelved or culled for donation, or the stuff I keep meaning to take to Goodwill, nevermind the dust. Kinda wonder what I’m doing with my time, though…. 😉

      • Oh yes the books!!!! And my clothes. They’re coming out of the sides of my dresser. So unorganized. Y’all make me realize I have no room to talk about cleanliness baha. And yes,I love the last quote too. Makes me feel better about my hoards of crap. i’m living life so I have no time for sorting through junk! ;p

  2. Meg says:

    awwww that’s so nice!

    I don’t understand how your house needs to be tidy yet your purse is always a black hole full of space debris =P I gotchyu though when your life is moving quick, it is so much easier to not be tripping over shoes or what have you.
    Good analysis there lover! ❤

  3. I love thoughtful little gestures. I miss having someone in my life who cared enough to do them. You’re a lucky woman!

    I grew up in a household where my mother vacuumed twice a day (we used to joke that she took dust by IV) and no cleaning anyone did was ever good enough. The result is that I’m a total slob at home (a 7 yr old boy once said, “boy, your house sure is messy!”) – because I know I’m never going to put in the effort to do cleaning “correctly” (which involves dusting window, door & picture frames). Plus, before you finish, it’s already getting messing again. So what’s the point? However, I keep a super organized office space… freakishly neat & organized.

    • My dad sounds like your mom haha. I definitely don’t clean correctly haha that takes too long :p as long as what’s in my eyesight looks somewhat tidy,I’m happy. That’s funny that your office is so clean and organized…mine is definitely not haha. Ha I just love people. We’re all so differently quirky.

  4. i for one have promised my wife that i will clean the bathroom when i see that it needs cleaning.

    She’s never let it get bad enough for me to think it needs it.

  5. What a great little story about give and take; my grandad makes the bed for my nana because he’s the last one out. I think that’s a fair rule 🙂

  6. This is so sweet. Something to smile about, for sure. It’s great to find the person with a life (inclusive of all effects of nature and nature, opinions, biases, pet peeves, secret wishes, etc.) fits more perfectly with your own than you could have imagined. It’s even better when you SEE it, ACKNOWLEDGE it, and SHARE it. Puts a little more hope in the world for the people who are not quite there in their journey of life and love.

  7. My ex-fiance was way more of a neat freak than me and I used to drive him nuts and his nuts drove me nuts. One of the reasons we broke up. And I think of myself as being fairly clean!

    Those photos of you two are adorable.

    I would definitely get a bed making dog if that was an existing breed!

  8. mizunogirl says:

    So nice to see the made bed!!!! I think if one sleeps under sheets and blankets we sleep so much better getting into a non rumply bed, so kudos to your husband for addressing your pet peeve.

    I am a consummate slob and have been recently contemplating, how, i at all, i could ever live with someone else again!

    • haha! yes kudos to him.
      i think husband and i are both sometimes slobs, but in different ways haha. so our different slobbinesses (i wish that was a word) occasionally clash.
      if that makes any sense at all. 😛

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