Since beginning my intro to counseling class, I’ve been in constant self-analyzing and exploration mode. You may have noticed this from recent blogs. I’ve even caught myself talking out loud,while doing the dishes, giving myself a “counseling session.” It’s strange, but I also feel like it’s healthy. I’m coming to terms with a lot of things right now. I’m expressing feelings and being honest with myself. It’s a little terrifying, but it’s kind of cool too. Delving a little deeper and also procrastinating on homework, I found myself perusing through blog entries from an old domain today. This is always a little scary to do. Seeing who you used to be. I skimmed through about two years worth of entries, starting at age 20 and reading back until I was 19. It was an embarrassing, inspiring,humbling, hilarious and nostalgic journey. I decided to take notes on my thought processes, as I was reading. What came out was a completely honest assortment of word vomit:

• Oh, little Christina. No. Just no.
• “I have friends coming out my butt who love me for all of these things.” Wait….WHAT?! How half of my sentences ever made any logical sense to me, I do not know.
• As much as I love working with kids, I also miss working with people. Er. Bigger people. And making coffee.  And getting paid to socialize. Or maybe it’s just a rush of nostalgia for younger days creeping up on me.
• Was this REALLY two years ago?!?!?!
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• I had almost forgotten how amazing my honeymoon was…..
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• Oh Lord. I seem to have considered myself a poet.
•  That boy is so lucky that Robby isn’t the type to throw territorial punches. Jeeze,Christina. You were oblivious or just in complete denial.
•  “I like journals because I can end the entries with kiss my ass.”  I can still agree with this.
• Why must puppies and children grow up?
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• It’s interesting to see who comes and goes. I’ve lost a couple of friends I thought I would have forever, and have become extremely close to many who I thought would always just be casual acquaintances. There are some amazing people I’ve met and through the hustle and bustle of life have slowly lost touch with—but have left me with so many smiles and amazing memories just the same. And then there are those friends that truly have been there through so many years, through thick and thin, and through all of my ups-and-downs. I can honestly say now that I’m incredibly thankful for each and every person, and for all of the experiences and life-lessons I’ve gained through each relationship.
•  Dear me:  You are not nearly as subtle as you think you are.
• So many of the goals I questioned accomplishing and dreams I never even imagined reaching…I’ve done those things now. It’s so easy to undermine those accomplishments while reaching for a bigger goal. Reading back is a wonderful reminder to take the time to be proud of how far I’ve come so far.
• Ever having referred to Robby as my boyfriend seems SO weird now. Probably because we’ve been married more than double the time we were ever boyfriend/girlfriend. Then again, I remember how weird it was calling him ‘fiancé’ and ‘husband’ at first too. Every title has been a new one for me, and I clearly remember how proud I was to pronounce each one.
• Almost everything has changed in just a few short years. If there has been one constant, it’s my boy and his always present love for me. My husband, bless his heart, has been through a lot of my annoying life stages with me. The teenage socially awkward and confused stage. The teenage “I-now-think-I’m-a-philosopher-and-know-everything” days. The younger 20’s “LOOK AT ME I’M SO COOL (But I still don’t know how to brush my hair)” days. All I can say is, major props for hanging in there, dude. Major props.
•  Goodness. I am so happy to be who I am and where I’m at in life right now. Though I’m sure three years from now I’ll look back at some current blog posts and maybe inwardly cringe a little. We’re never really all grown-up, are we? And that’s kind of beautiful, I think. That there’s always so much left to learn.