Being right here.

Yesterday I received this note on a paper I wrote for Intro to Counseling:

“This paper ‘set the bar’ for the rest of the class. Way to go!” 

I received 17 out of 15 possible points.

I’ve done really great in school since I’ve started. I’ve never failed a class and I rarely make anything lower than a B.  Looking back on blogs from just a few of years ago, it shocks me how little faith I had in myself. I pretended college didn’t mean much to me, but I know now that this wasn’t truly the issue. I didn’t believe that I had the intelligence to go to a four year university.

In a year and a half, I’ll be the first female to ever graduate college in my family.  Partly because of this, college was never something that I was really encouraged to do. I was never discouraged from going to college, so I guess you could say my parents were supportive either way. I understand this. My dad has been extremely successful without a college education. He never pushed college on me, because he believed I’d be fine without it. In a way, this was a relief. I’m not so good at doing things when I feel they’re being forced on me. At the same time, never being given that extra push hindered me. A college education started to intimidate me. I was never really told that I should, which in turn didn’t make me think that I actually could. 

It took some friendly pushes from other loved ones (My best friend and her mommy to name a couple that really stand out) to really show me that I had the initiative, determination, intelligence and strength to strive for more than an associates degree.

Looking back, where I’m at now still sometimes amazes me. I never in a kabazillion years imagined I would be where I am at 22 years of age. So many of the wishes I wistfully hoped for but never actually expected have come true now. I’ve made them come true. But as I’ve gained confidence over the past couple of years, I am constantly striving for more and more and more. My goals are ten times what they were two years ago, and the rate at which I accomplish them at least the same. This is good and all, but it’s also put me in a place where I fail to notice how far I’ve come. I all too often dismiss where I’m at in my journey to get where I’m going. 

And I’m at a pretty damn good place right now. I’m a house-owner. I’m also the owner of a pretty wonderful husband (Ha.) I’m able to travel frequently. I have a job that I love and that helps pay the bills. I’m getting closer and closer to graduating. I make good grades. I’m able to try new things and go on lots of adventures. I’m constantly surrounded by people who love me.

It hasn’t been until recently that I realized I deserve all of this. I’m not just lucky. I work really hard. I study my ass off. I sometimes spread my time thin with projects and extracurricular activities. I make (mostly) good decisions. I try (though I’m sure I occasionally fail) to be the best and kindest person I can be.

I know that I’ve been my toughest critic. People often see me as this super-confident,outgoing (sometimes slightly insanely so) girl. But there was a time in my life where I was all kinds of insecure, shy and awkward. The moment I began having the tiniest bit of faith in myself, all of that started changing. I’m confident now not because I think I’m the greatest thing to ever exist but because I have to be. (Confident, not the greatest thing to ever exist.) Believing in myself has gotten me here; To doing what I thought I couldn’t do and then some. I’ve raised my own bar. And I’m proud of that. As great as getting there will someday feel, looking back has shown me just how amazing being right here really is.

Ps: Take the time to feel proud of yourself today.

32 thoughts on “Being right here.

    • Thanks 🙂 I know when I graduate I plan on working at Dell; My dad is a manager and can help get me a job once I have my degree. I don’t want to stay there forever, but it’ll be a good place to get my foot in the door (and good money which doesn’t hurt) 😛
      I think my dream job would involve something psychology related, but I’ll need my masters for most jobs in that field. Still undecided if I want to get that or not. Seems like a whole lotta extra money to me. 😛

  1. I’m glad you decided to go to college, happier still you’re almost done. It’s expensive, but you’ll never regret having an education, as long as you don’t think it’s just a ticket to a high-paying job, not in this economy anyway. It’s also supposed to make you think and see things in depth. But I don’t think you have any problems with that anyway. Congratulations.

  2. Meg says:

    Yea I love that I went to college too. I have learned so much in the 5 semesters i have been here so far it’s crazy. Way more than I learned in 4 years of high school hahaha

    You’re lucky you went to acc first because being a freshman sucks.I wish I could forget a lot of my freshman year lol There should be some law of the universe that prohibits freshmen in college from making any important decisions. Life would be easier =P

  3. I am so proud of you for celebrating your success! I have had much the same experience, but I waited until my thirties to start the journey. What parents forget is that we needs skills for jobs not even invented yet, years down the track, and that is what education gives us, the skills to cope with change. Best wishes, and congratulations!

  4. Love this post! Way to take credit for your accomplishments–it is sometimes easy to forget that we have what we have because we work for it (did that make sense?). Major credit to your for a stellar assignment and working hard in college, being the first to graduate is no small deal!

  5. inurbase says:

    As someone who was the first person of any gender to finish college in my family (not to mention grad school), I understand how gratifying the experience can be. It’s definitely something I’m proud of.

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