A little dream of mine came true this past Thursday. A couple of weeks back and on a huge whim, I sent in a writing of mine to a local newspaper. A funny thing happened after that. They published it. (And spelled my last name a teensy bit wrong, but that’s totally okay. They could have made my last name FinaBoBina and I still would have been giddily satisfied.)
Sending this in was terrifying and hard for me for a few reasons. The article was about a restaurant I used to work at that has recently closed. As soon as I heard they weren’t open for business anymore, a lot of emotions came tumbling forth. In the year I worked at this place, I learned a lot about myself and even more about life. I became a stronger and wiser person because of it. But working here also forced me to see that the world isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. I lost a lot of my naivety and, because of my decisions, had to grow up very fast. I, the girl who for years didn’t know how else to wear her heart except for on her sleeve, quickly became an extremely guarded individual. I think I started to believe then that openness was synonymous with stupidity. But when a million different thoughts came forward, instead of repressing them like I’ve learned to do over the years, I wrote about them. I had to. To write about my thoughts, I also had to really feel them. Feeling things is scary to me. Especially scary is feeling things that I’ve purposely stored in the back of my mind for years, in order not to feel. But I did it. I wrote about them and, not really knowing what to do by myself with my foreign feelings, I sent them somewhere. I didn’t know if anyone else would really care to feel my feelings with me, but I figured it was worth a shot. It was. The editor emailed me to tell me it was great editorial, and that he was considering running it. This was maybe the scariest part. Others–so many others–would be able to read and criticize and think about my honest thoughts. I would feel really vulnerable if he ran my article. He ran it. I felt really vulnerable. And, you know, that was okay. Because I also felt ecstatic and joyful and accomplished and refreshingly open. I’m grateful to him for that and I’m proud of myself. The editor ran my article and I’m not running away from the stuff in my head and heart.
I’m facing fears and feelings. I’m a little blown away by the results. Things are happening, y’all. Really good,scary,amazing things.
You can read my whole article by going to the Cedar Park/Leander Statesman and looking under “Opinions” or by just clicking here.