I often felt, during my first eighteen years of existence, that my life was on pause. I was very sheltered, painfully awkward, completely inexperienced. I look through my teenage journal entries and I can see that I was practically begging the universe to let life happen to me. Talk about getting what you ask for. For the past few years, my life has been a consistent whirlwind of adventures, accomplishments and life experiences. The whirlwind has definitely not stopped as of late. My world has recently been completely consumed by drastic life changes. Within the past few months and one after another, I’ve graduated college, started working my first ‘big girl’ job and found out that I’m a mother-to-be. I’d be lying if I said that having these huge, life-altering things happening so close together hasn’t been stressful at times. Because it definitely has. It’s been stressful and it’s been a little scary too. Luckily, these past few years, I have been no stranger to this stress and fear-facing stuff. I think that this is how it usually should be. That there isn’t much inspiration to be found in the way of stagnancy. That the beauty and wonder of life is often discovered in the scary, stressful stuff. That the great unknown is where the most growth can be sought out. That being a bit terrified and overwhelmed isn’t so bad. That this is, in fact, where the magic usually happens. Yes, there are days where pregnancy hormones are bountiful and I cry for no apparent reason and my husband is left holding the emotional mess of a woman who was once his anti-tears wife. But more often that that, I’ll have these moments where I just feel overtaken by an overwhelming sense of happiness. Where I am completely taken away by how blessed I am. Being overwhelmingly happy and also a little paranoid by nature is an interesting combination. I sometimes wonder if there’s a happiness quota. The past couple of years have been the most joy-filled of my life. I’ve gotten to this place where I just really like my life. My husband. Our home. Our dogs. Our bun in the oven. My car. My books. My job. My friends and family. My hobbies and passions and travels. My goals and the rate at which I am able to fulfill them. I like all of these things a whole bunch. Heck, I even like me most of the time. And so I really hope that there isn’t a quota on this happiness thing. That I don’t use all of my happy up anytime soon. That I can just go on being happy for as long as I so choose to be. I’m thinking that if I can continue to find the good through the uncertainty and the beautiful through the scary, that I may be just fine.
Some happy things lately:
Dog-walk volunteering at my local animal shelter. Look at the face!
Going on a mini road trip and spending time with family at Robby’s cousin’s wedding.
Dad-in-law making fun of my above pose:
Feeling baby move around in my tummy
Being listed on the company website:
A customer I was pestering to take a picture telling her salesman I was “super cute.”
Adorable text messages from sweet friends:
Being in the works of making a couple of things that up until recently seemed unattainable, become attainable. Tangible, practically.
It’s a happy, scary, magic-filled life indeed.